Playoff Picks

Written by Max Bricker

Penthouse Sports


Before I give you my predictions on the upcoming NFL playoff games, I have to talk about the hottest person in sports: Johnny Heisman. (No, not hottest as in best looking- that goes to Alex Morgan) Manziel is the hottest athlete in America right now because he is the most successful athlete in America. Not only did he win the Heisman Trophy, he is a red-shirt freshman quarterback that is the most exciting player in the nation and has a really really hot girlfriend. He capped off possibly the best statistical season in college football this year by dominating Oklahoma- 516 total yards, 4 TDs in a 41-13 victory.

Oh look… Bob Stoops lost another big bowl game. Surprise? Nope. The guy handles pressure worse than this kid at the National Spelling Bee. Don’t worry, the kid was fine; as for Stoops, I’m not so sure.

The Cotton Bowl was awesome. Johnny Heisman rushed for 229 yards on 17 carries, and he’s a QUARTERBACK! Not only can run, he shredded the Sooner defense through the air- his accuracy was spot on; I saw several tight passes thrown right on the money.

However, there was one problem with the Cotton Bowl. Could the announcing had been any worse? FOX had Gus Johnson and Charles Davis in the booth, with Petros Papadakis on the sideline. Johnshon yells 75% of the time, Davis never stops smiling, and Petros should stick with radio. What’s next? Fran from The Nanny calling the games? Even her annoying voice would be better than these phonies.

As for my predictions, here they are:

Texans 24, Bengals 17. These two teams may have been going in opposite directions in the last month of the regular season, but expect the Texans to bounce back. Adrian Foster has proven to be one of the best backs in the league, so expect him to be bowing several times saturday.

Packers 34, Vikings 14. If one of the four games this weekend is going to be a blowout, it’s this one. I love AP and what the Vikes did this year, hell, they just beat the Pack last weekend! However, this game is on the frozen tundra, and look at the two quarterbacks playing. Aaron Rodgers v. Christian Ponder. Any more questions?

Ravens 28, Colts 24. This might be the closest game of the weekend. Both teams are on emotional highs- the Colts with Chuck Pagano, the Ravens with possibly the last game of Ray Lewis’ career. Neither team wants to let their leader down, but I’m giving the edge to Baltimore solely because the game is in Baltimore.

Seahawks 25, Redskins 24. This is by the far the most intriguing match-up of the weekend. I love both of these rookie QBs and I want both of them to go far in the playoffs; it is a shame one has to knock the other out in the first round. With the exception of the Broncos, the Seahawks are the hottest team in the NFL going into the postseason. The game is in Washington and RG3 is a magic maker, but I think Marshawn Lynch may go beast mode. Remember last time he played in a wild card game? Just ask Darren Sharper. This one will be close, but I think the Seahawks will put it out on the road.

Those are my picks, so look back sunday night to see how correct they were. Also, the next time I write, I will be back at Cal Poly. You know what that means- videos on Mondays, Lucas may actually make an appearance, and fan of the week awards will be coming back! So impress me with your comments!


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